Awesome giveaway #2

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Second Shared Step

Today, my steps feel weak and shallow. I feel very much like hiding in a hole. I know the best I have to give is NOTHING! My weak attempts at walking this path fail me. I fail God. I hear myself screaming in my silent world, "Why try? I know I can't do it! I know I am not good enough"
But I hear Him say, "I love you! You are mine. I made you! You are the person I meant you to be!" He whispers His love.
Some days, I miss it! Some days, I busy myself to not feel my weakness and I never hear Him saying, "I love you!"
He Loves me! Imperfect me! He loves me with my messy house, with my raggy old pjs, with my shoulda showered yesterday...weak self.

First shared step

First, I want to share a lyrics of a song I grew up hearing my mom sing. Then, I will explain more about it.

"Feel The Nails" - Ray Boltz

They tell me Jesus died

For my transgressions

That he paid that price a long, long time ago

When he gave his life for me

On a hill called Calvary

But there's something else I want to know

Does he still feel the nails
Every time I fail
Can he hear the crowd cry "Crucify" again
Am I causing him pain
Then I know I've got to change
I just can't bear the thought of hurting him.

It seems that I'm so good at breaking promises
And I treat his precious grace so carelessly
But each time he forgives
What if he re-lives
The agony He felt on that tree

Does he still feel the nails
Every time I fail
Can he hear the crowd cry "Crucify" again
Am I causing him pain
Then I know I've got to change
I just can't bear the thought of hurting him.

Holy, holy
Holy is the Lord
Holy Holy
Holy is the Lord

Do you still feel the nails
Every time I fail
Have I crucified you Jesus with my sins
Oh I'm tired of playing games
I really want to change
I never want to hurt you again

Holy, Holy
Holy is the Lord
Holy, Holy
Holy is the Lord

Maybe, its doesn't need as much explaining as I thought it did. I can still hear my mom practicing this song for special music. I remember when I got older, I would cry everyt every time I tried to practice this song. It brings me even more pain after seen the movie "Passion of the Christ". I know that is only a movie and can only describe in part what Christ went through for us...for ME.

Does He weep when I fail? Does He feel the pain of the cross? Worse yet, does He feel the pain of the gap that was between Him and God, when He died for my sins? Why do I do these things? Why can't I change? Why do I break my promises to God and others?

Dear God,

Thank you for sending your Son to die in my place. Thank you for choosing me to be the person I am, in the place I am and in the time I am. Thank you for all your MANY blessings. Thank you for allowing my the freedom to fall, so you can pick me up! Thank you for being such a loving, caring and patience father. I pray that I would walk in your will. I pray that when I do fall, I learn from each and every scar and rebuild me as a stronger vessel for you. I pray that you guide me to raise my children in just the right way, that they will walk in your will. I pray for those around me that don't understand the True meaning of Easter. I that not only would my heart break for that, but that you will shine through me, that those around me would know I am yours and want be yours also. I pray that those you place around me will help me to grow to be the person you want me to be. I pray that you would help me to forgive those trespass against me, because I know my trespasses against you & them are worse. I pray that you would help me to take care of my own flaws and let you work on others flaws. I love you Lord! I praise you! Your will being done.

Amen